Title: A Complaint Free World: How to Stop Complaining and Start Enjoying the Life You Always Wanted

Author: Will Bowen

Completed: July 2023 (Full list of books)

Overview: I like the idea presented here, but this book was too woo-woo for me. The very short version is that we all complain too much and using a bracelet (or some other moveable token) to track how often we complain can help us reduce our frequency of complaints. There’s a lot of evidence that complaining less and being more grateful is healthy for us and noticing when we do something is the first step to managing it.

I went into this book knowing that Will uses purple bracelets to monitor his complaining to help him reduce it. I had hoped the book would cover strategies others have used to be successful, but the only strategy I got from the book was to wear a bracelet and move it every time you complain. I’m going to try wearing and moving a bracelet, but wouldn’t recommend reading the book.

Highlights:

• “What you Articulate, you Demonstrate!”
• “The universe is change; our life is what our thoughts make it.” — MARCUS AURELIUS
• There are two things upon which most people will agree: There is too much complaining in the world. The state of the world is not the way we would like it. In my opinion, there is a correlation between the two. We are focusing on what is wrong rather than focusing our vision on a healthy, happy, and harmonious world.
• Of all the self-fulfilling prophecies in our culture, the assumption that aging means decline and poor health is probably the deadliest.
• This explains why I lump gossip in with complaining. Am I opposed to gossip? Absolutely not. As long as: What you’re saying about the absent person is complimentary. You would repeat, word for word, what you are saying if the absent person were present. If you can follow those two simple rules, gossip all you want.
• You might wonder, “When is what I’m saying a complaint and when is it just a statement of fact?” According to Dr. Robin Kowalski, “Whether or not the particular statement reflects a complaint … depends on whether the speaker is experiencing an internal dissatisfaction.”* The words in a complaint and a noncomplaint can be identical; what distinguishes the two is your meaning, your energy behind them.
• It’s a complaint if you want the person or situation changed. If you want it other than how it is, it’s a complaint and not just a statement of fact
• In The Tazy Man’s Guide to Enlightenment, Thaddeus Golas summed it up: “Loving yourself is not a matter of building up your ego. Egotism is proving you are worthwhile after you have sunk into hating yourself. Loving yourself will dissolve your ego: you will feel no need to prove you are superior.”
• When these true “peace talks” occur, the rules will be simple. Rather than talking about what is going on in the present or what has happened in the past, the focus will remain exclusively on what it will be like when there is no more acrimony between them. They might ask, “What will peace between us look, feel, sound, and smell like? What will it be like when war and disagreement between us is such a distant memory we would have to consult history books because such a time is lost to us?”
• I realized that before we adopted a Complaint Free lifestyle, I was teaching Lia that being at the family dinner table was a time to gripe and gossip. I was modeling for her that this is how people act. I’m so grateful now that our supper table is where we talk about blessings and bright vistas. This is what I want to pass on to her so she’ll model this for her children and their children after them. Let family time be joyous and happy, not a time to vent about how things didn’t go your way that day.
• “How can I help bring about positive change if I don’t complain?” Again, change begins with dissatisfaction. It begins when someone like you sees a gap between what is and what can be. Dissatisfaction is the beginning, but it can’t be the end. If you complain about a situation, you may be able to draw others to you who will bellyache along with you, but you won’t be able to get much done. However, if you can begin to speak in terms of what it will be like when the challenge no longer exists, when the bridge is gapped, when the problem is solved, then you can excite and move people to positive change.
• In his play Fiction, one of Steven Dietz’s characters remarks, “Writers don’t like to write; they like to have written.” Similarly, people don’t like to change, but they like to have changed.
• just to be clear, I am not advocating remaining silent when there is something that has happened which you need corrected. Don’t hold back, don’t hold it in, just make sure you are only stating the facts and not putting any “how dare you do this to me!” energy behind what you are saying.
• There is no ego in telling the waiter your soup is cold and needs to be heated up—if you stick to the facts, which are always neutral. “How dare you serve me cold soup … ?” That’s complaining.
• Directing a comment to someone who can improve your situation is not complaining. Berating someone or lamenting the situation either to yourself or to another is complaining.